


Jon Gets Kidnapped (again)

by Not_As_Bad_As_Frankenstein



Series: Inspector 2nd Class Jonathan Sims [1]
Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Kidnapping, Jon's so done with this shit, No beta we die like archival assistants, it all happens during his coma, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_As_Bad_As_Frankenstein/pseuds/Not_As_Bad_As_Frankenstein
Summary: Jon gets kidnapped by the Mechanisms so that he'll investigate the Bifrost incident for them.
Series: Inspector 2nd Class Jonathan Sims [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935358
Comments: 10
Kudos: 121





	Jon Gets Kidnapped (again)

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed a lot of works where Inspector Lyf becomes Jon after the Bifrost Incident, but I thought, what if it was the other way around and Jon was Inspector Lyf!

# Jon Gets Kidnapped (again)

Jon’s life was anything but normal at this point, so when he wakes up in a strange room lying on what appears to be an operating table, he’s honestly just glad that he hasn’t been restrained to it. As he sits up a door on the other side of the room slides open and in walks a very strange looking man. To be fair Jon has encountered a human made of wax and a creepy clown mannequin so this man was fairly normal if not looking a bit like a steampunk cosplayer.

“Ah, you’re awake!” The stranger exclaimed, moving over to the table to help Jon get up. “We weren’t sure how long you’d be asleep. Nasty business that, you’re not quite immortal yet I’d reckon.”

“I’m sorry, who are you? And where am I?” Jon doesn’t put any compulsion behind his words, he’s learned the hard way that people (especially those that kidnap him) don’t appreciate it. Not to mention this man has some sort of pistol looking device at his hip and Jon really doesn’t want to add a bullet wound to his many scars.

“The name’s Baron Marius Von Raum, ship’s doctor at your service”

“...ah” This can’t be good, the only ‘spooky’ ship Jon knows of is the Tundra and he’d really rather not deal with a Lukas. “This… isn’t the Tundra is it?”

“I’ve never heard of the Tundra before in my life! This fine vessel is called the Aurora, she’s quite the ship, though I will warn you she’s already taken so don’t go trying to seduce her or Nastya will come back just to kill you.” The man, Marius, gives Jon a knowing wink and at this point Jon’s just accepted his current fate.

As far as kidnappings go this really isn’t Jon’s worst. The couple of crew members he’s met have been - not kind persey - but none of them want to murder or skin him. Though it turns out they’re happy to kill each other. Oh, and they’re all immortal. After waking up Marius had shown him to a dining area and a spare bedroom he could use. He had yet to explain to Jon exactly why he had been kidnaped by a group of immortal space pirates, only saying he would explain after Jon rested up some, and despite however long he had been asleep before finding himself here, Jon was indeed quite exhausted. Sleep came easily to Jon, with the hum of the Aurora surrounding him in a comforting blanket of white noise.

The next morning found Jon back in what looked to be a mess hall.

“Ah! Good morning Archivist,” exclaimed a far too cheerful Marius for Jon’s half awake state.

“Oh, er, good morning Von Raum...”

“Just Marius is fine.”

“Right. I - ah don’t suppose you could explain what I’m doing here now that it’s… morning?”

“Of course, of course. Here take a seat why don’t you? I should probably get Ivy and Raph to join us for this bit.” Marius gets up leaving Jon alone for a couple of minutes before returning with a winged woman in a lab coat and a very tired looking woman with red hair and several books under her arm.

“You must be Jonathon Sims, the Archivist, correct?” Asked the woman with wings, extending a hand that Jon took.

“Er, yes, that’s me. And you two are...” 

“Ah! We shall tell you!” Marius whips out a violin from seemingly thin air and starts the first chords of Tales to be Told. “ _Like whiskey laced with gasoline we’re deadly when we’re drunk, so shut your face and settle down-_ ” The woman with wings grabbed the violin bow out of Marius’s hand and snapped it in half, giving Jon an apologetic look.

“I’m Raphaella La Cognizi and this here is Ivy Alexandria, also an archivist.” Raphaella gestured to the woman on her right who was currently reading from two different books simultaneously. “We’re terribly sorry for picking you up without asking first but you were in somewhat of a coma.”

“And why am I here exactly? I don’t mean to be rude but this is all a bit… sudden.”

“Well you see,” Marius said, standing up to pull down a map. “We’ve stumbled upon quite the interesting story in the Yggdrasil system and we were hoping you could look into it for us. We’re technically wanted criminals and I have it on good authority that you can be quite the _compelling_ storyteller.” He ended his pitch with a flourish of his hands.

“So, what, you want me to do some research for you?” Jon looked at them sceptically. “How would I even go about investigating, aren’t I an-an alien to the people that live there?”

“I’ve created a fake ID for you,” Ivy piped up. “We’ll have a bit of time before arriving in the system so you’ll have plenty of time to study up on the relevant history and culture in order to blend in. Your assignment will keep you away from most of the native inhabitants. There is only a 32.6% chance that you will be discovered as an outsider and you can reduce that chance by 13 points if you dye your hair silver and avoid any crowded metropolitan areas.”

“R-right,” said Jon, a bit shaken. “So what exactly am I studying there?”

“The Bifrost incident!” replies Marius, eager to tell the tale. “About 80 years ago, Old Lady Odin planned a voyage through the stars on a train that would go through a wormhole, named the Bifrost. The journey was supposed to take three days but the train never arrived. Almost all of the ruling class was on that train, so when it disappeared the system fell into chaos. We know that the train should be arriving on New Midgard soon, so we want you to look through the black box and figure out what happened all those years ago! Ivy’s set you up as an Inspector 2nd class in the New Midgard transport police and we’ve made sure that the case will go to you.” Marius grinned at him in excitement.

“So I just figure out what happened to the train then you take me back to Earth?” Asked Jon, wary of their motives. This could all be a ruse as far as he knew, but the fact that he was in an honest to god spaceship did lend some credibility to their claims.

“Of course! It’ll just be a quick in and out sort of thing, and then you’ll be right back home.”

Jon heaved a sigh, at least these kidnappers didn’t want him to bring about an eldritch apocalypse, and without them he wasn’t getting home. Might as well play along with them for the time being, and the job sounded a lot like his archival work. Look over records, do some research into the people on the train. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.

“All right then, I suppose if this is happening then I should start researching New Midgard. Don’t want to be caught before I can solve this mystery.”

“Wonderful! Welcome aboard Inspector Lyfrassir Edda, we’re going to have so much fun!”

Apparently Marius Von Raum’s definition of fun was constantly singing at Jon while he tried to study New Midgard and the Yggdrasil system. The man would pop up out of nowhere and start regaling Jon with all of the crew’s exploits and tragic backstories. Worse, though, was when the crew would get into fights. Apparently the more volatile of their crew were off somewhere blowing things up, but Marius enjoyed getting shocked reactions out of Jon whenever he killed Raphaella or Ivy, so whenever he found Jon in the company of one of them he would be quick to the draw.

Jon wasn’t sure how long the trip to New Midgard took, but it felt like he had been stuck on the Aurora for months and the constant singing and violence was seriously grating on his nerves. He couldn’t even lash out for fear that Marius’s gleeful violence would be turned on him. Eventually though, they made it to New Midgard, where he bid his immortal companions farewell as they needed to get back to prison before the guards noticed them gone. Jon had a few weeks to settle into the life Ivy had crafted him before his assignment to the case of the Ratatosk Express. When it got to him, there wasn’t much to investigate of the train itself. Just a husk of the engine room, a couple of burnt skeletons, and the black box. So Jon settled in and began his investigations into the Bifrost incident.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is the first fic I have ever actually finished and posted. Let me know if there are any errors in it :D


End file.
